


The Price of Living

by kscho



Series: The Rose of Denerim [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I will forever love Alistair Theirin, Semi-consensual Sex, and nobody can stop me, this makes me sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 13:21:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16811455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kscho/pseuds/kscho
Summary: Two chapter piece revolving around Morrigan's Dark Ritual





	1. A Dark Trade

Alistair’s half-plate smacked Rose on the side of her head as she helped him full it free. “Ow,” she moaned, holding the spot.

“Sorry,” he said, a slight chuckle in his voice as he took the plate from her. “I see why you don’t like plates.”

“I don’t like them ‘cause I’m a rogue, love,” she said. “And a dualist. It’s too heavy. And loud.” their armor and other accompanying equipment rested on separate stands, waiting to be cleaned and dirtied once again. Rose felt the tug of her shirt stuck to her body. The day had been hot and unforgiving. She rifled through her pack and pulled out a clean replacement, tugging the one she was wearing over her head. Like her body, her mind was still heated from their days in Denerim. And sore. The injuries she had gotten from the Landsmeet still pained her a little.

“I think it makes me look good,” Alistair joked, grinning. Rose could only find it in her heart to meet half of his smile. The dragging days were taking their toll on her. “C’mon, let’s go see what Riordan has to tell us.”

Rose sighed, pulling on her new shirt and hanging her head. “And here I thought we could have an early night, for once.” They exited the room and headed across the hall to Riordan’s, knocking first. She could feel the suspenseful dread between all three of them as they entered. Riordan was still dressed from the day’s travels and he looked like he had been pacing.

“You’re both here,” he said. “Good. Both of you are relatively new to the Wardens, and you may not have been told how an Archdemon is slain. I need to know if that is so.”

“You mean there’s more to it than just, say, chopping off its head?” Alistair joked. His voice leveled out. “Duncan knew, but he never said anything to me.” Rose nodded her head in agreement.

“So it is true,” Riordan sighed. He seemed exhausted, and not just from the travel. “I had simply assumed…” His brow furrowed. “Tell me, have you ever wondered  _ why _ the Grey Wardens are needed to defeat the darkspawn?”

Rose shrugged. “I had always thought it had something to do with the Joining. The taint we carry and how it connects us to the darkspawn.”

“That is exactly what it involves. The Archdemon may be slain as any other darkspawn, but should any other than a Grey Warden do the slaying, it will not be enough.” He began pacing. “The essence of the beast will pass through the taint to the nearest darkspawn and will be reborn anew in that body. The dragon is thus all but immortal. But if the Archdemon is slain by a Grey Warden...its essence travels into the Warden, instead.”

Rose felt sick to her stomach. “And...what happens to the Warden?” she asked tentatively, positive she didn’t want to know the answer.

“A darkspawn is an empty, soulless vessel, but a Grey Warden is not,” he led on. “The essence of the Archdemon is destroyed...and so is the Grey Warden.” The sickening feel intensified, twisting Rose’s insides.

Alistair took a step forward, frowning. “Meaning...the Grey warden who kills the Archdemon...dies?” Absentmindedly, Rose reached out and held his hand tightly, her heart beating rapidly. 

“Yes,” Riordan answered gravely. “Without the Archdemon, the Blight ends. It is the only way.”

Attempting to swallow a hard lump in her throat, Rose spoke up. “Then it’s up to the three of us, isn’t it? I mean, we’re the only Wardens in all of Ferelden. There’s no way the Orlesians could get her in time. If one of us doesn’t end the Blight...then Ferelden is surely lost.” She thought of her family. Her father, Soris, Shianni. If she never saw them again...if she never said goodbye... Alistair squeezed her hand in return.

“In Blights past, when the time came the eldest of the Grey Wardens would decide which amongst them would take the final blow. If possible, the final blow should be mine to make. I am the eldest, and the taint will not spare me much longer. But if I fail, the deed falls on you. The Blight must be stopped now, or you’ll be right, and it will destroy all of Ferelden before the rest of the Grey Wardens can assemble. Remember that.”

“But enough of this,” he finished lamely. Rose saw his eyes dart at their clasped hands for a second, and she self-consciously took hers back. “There will be much to do tomorrow and little enough time to rest before it. I will let you return to your rooms and get some sleep.”

“We’ll see you once the army is ready to march, then,” Alistair said. “I guess this ends soon, one way or another.”

“That it does, my friend,” Riordan said sadly. “That it does.”

Once they were outside, Alistair sighed loudly and drew Rose close to him. She closed her eyes and listened to his heart. “Not so sure about a good night’s sleep now.” She nodded slowly in agreement. “I think I need some fresh air. Care to join me?”

She echoed his sigh. “Okay.” She was reluctant to leave his embrace. “Let me go put up my hair, first. I’ll meet you outside.” He kissed her forehead and headed down the hall while Rose returned to her room, her head swimming with countless thoughts. She looked up, jumping back slightly and swallowing a scream, clutching her chest in surprise. “Dammit, Morrigan! You scared me half to death!” The apostate was staring at the dying fire, simply waiting for her, she assumed. “Is everything alright?” she asked, closing the door behind her.

“I am well,” she said simply. “‘Tis you who are in danger. I have a plan, you see. A way out. The loop in your hole.” She turned around and approached Rose slowly. “I know what happens when the Archdemon dies. I know a Grey Warden must be sacrificed, and that sacrifice could be you. I have come to tell you this does not need to be.”

Rose shook her head, thinking she didn’t hear Morrigan right. “‘Does not need to be?’ What do you mean?”

“I offer a way out. A way out for all the Grey Wardens, that there need be no sacrifices. A ritual...performed in the dark of night.”

“Don’t say it like that,” Rose moaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Don’t make it sound like we’re going to murder someone and use blood magic.” She took a deep breath. “What kind of ritual is this, exactly?”

“It is old magic, from a time before the Circle of Magi was created. Some might call it blood magic, but that is but a name. There is far more to fear in the world than names.”

“Blood magic… Nothing comes without a price, Morrigan.”

“Perhaps,” she said, cocking her head, “but that price need not be so unbearable, especially if there is so much to be gained. All I ask is that you listen to what I have to offer, nothing more.”

Rose wanted to say no. She wanted to tell her friend to get the hell out of her room and go convince some other poor, unfortunate soul to do her magic. But she didn’t. She kept her mouth firmly sealed. She had to admit...she was curious. Her interest was piqued. If there was a way out of any of them dying...why shouldn’t she at least listen? “Ten minutes,” she sighed, “but I won’t promise anything. What’s your plan?”

Morrigan walked over to Rose’s bed and sat down at the foot. “What I propose is this: convince Alistair to lay with me. Here, tonight. And from this ritual, a child will be conceived within me.”

Rose stared. There was an awful, terribly loud whine in her ears. She wasn’t completely sure that her heart was beating and her lungs were working properly. She shook her head again, disgusted and insulted at the same time.  _ “What?!” _ she exclaimed, the word finally escaping her throat and shooting into a falsetto.

“The child will bear the taint,” Morrigan continued as if she had not heard her, “and when the Archdemon is slain, its essence will seek out the child like a beacon. At this early stage, the child can absorb that essence and not perish. The Archdemon is still destroyed, with no Grey Warden dying in the process.” She frowned at her. “I can see by the look on your face that you disapprove.”

“What the  _ fuck _ , Morrigan!” Rose shouted, no longer caring how loud her voice became. She pressed her palms to her temples, trying desperately to ease the splitting headache that had begun to thunder in her skull. “Why are you telling  _ me _ this? Why aren’t you talking to Alistair, since he’s the one you need to have sex with  _ apparently _ ?!”

“Alistair  _ despises _ me, you know this. He rarely listens to reason...but he will listen to you: the love of his life. You of all people could influence him.” She stood up. “Think about what I offer you: you will live, as will Alistair. You could slay the Archdemon and live as a hero, something no Grey Warden has ever done. In return, I conceive a child, one who will be born with the soul of an Old God.”

“And that makes it better, does it, the whole Old God thing?!”

She brushed over Rose again. “After this is done, you allow me to walk away...and you do not follow. Ever. The child will be mine to raise as I wish. I would suggest you go and talk to Alistair before the night is over. I will not offer a second chance.”

Rose hadn’t realized she had begun to pace quickly. Her face burned with rage, but practically warm compared to the blazing inferno in her chest. She was furious beyond measure. She wanted to strangle Morrigan for being the sneaking apostate she was. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to shout or scream or curse or protest. Morrigan was right. Of all the things to come of the day...Morrigan was right.

With only a huff and a muttered thought, Rose stormed out of the room, snatching up her cloak on the way out.

\---

Alistair was standing on the bridge. He was gazing at the red storm clouds to the southeast. The moons showered silver light on everything they touched, giving the night an ethereal feel. A warm, summer breeze blew softly through the air. Rose watched Alistair closely. She could only see half of his face, but she was looking at the way he stood. He had told everyone that Rose led their party, but he stood with authority, like he was a lord watching over his lands. She wanted him to hold her in his arms and tell her that they would always be together, that no Blight or Archdemon or simple darkspawn would separate them. She wanted to hear a joke that would leave her gasping for air, but she couldn’t bring herself to take another step closer.

Eventually he noticed her presence. “They say the clouds are how the Wardens first know of a Blight,” he said, glancing at her. “The corruption spreads through them, streaking them red.” He turned around. “What’s with the look?” he asked, frowning. “You look...sad. Is something wrong, Rosie? You’re crying.”

“Am not.” But even as she said so, hot tears fell down her face. She quickly wiped them away and took another deep breath. She couldn’t even bring herself to say that there was nothing wrong. Everything was wrong. “We need to talk.”

“Oh,” he said simply. “I guess whatever it is, it’s big.” He scoffed. “Surely it can’t be bigger than what we just heard. I can take it.”

Rose looked down at her feet. “I love you,” she breathed. “ _ I love you _ , you know that?” She heard him walk over, saw his shadow in the moonlight. He gently lifted her head so she would look up at him.

“I know,” he assured her. “I love you, too. You can tell me, go on.”

She reached up and pulled his hands away. As much as she wanted to feel his touch, she couldn’t bear it at the moment. Not when she was probably about to break his heart. “What would you say if I told you we could avoid dying tomorrow?”

“You mean with the Archdemon? If you mean running away, you know we can’t do that. But you don’t mean that, do you? What is this about?”

“I need you to take part in a magic ritual,” she blurted out.

“Oh? Something Morrigan cooked up, no doubt. What do you need me to do?”

Rose shrugged bitterly, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “Sleep with her,” she spat.

Alistair straightened up. “I would guess that you were joking...but you’re crying.  _ You’re crying…  _ You’re not joking. You’re actually serious. Wow,” he sighed, pacing a few times. “Be killed by the Archdemon, or sleep with Morrigan? How does someone make that kind of choice? You’re not actually asking me this, are you? What kind of ritual is this, anyway?”

“She said it was some sort of ancient magic, and…” Rose squeezed her eyes shut and slowly took a step back. She couldn’t lie to him, not now. “And that it will...conceive a child…”

_ “What?!” _ he exclaimed, a sharp crack in the silence of the night. “I...I must be hearing things. Are you telling me to  _ impregnate _ Morrigan as some kind of  _ magical sex rite _ ?” He sighed. “This child...why would Morrigan want such a thing?”

“She wouldn’t tell me why.”

“That’s not exactly reassuring,” he said, walking to the opposite side of the turret. “Look, even if I was willing to entertain this idea...and I’m not saying I am...is this really what you want me to do? Are you sure…?”

“I would do it myself, if I could!” Rose burst.

“Oh, great,” he sighed, covering his eyes with his hand. “Of all the times to regret being a man.”

“This isn’t a joke,” Rose warned, glaring at him through her tears.

“Look, just because I have the proper...just because I can… Look that doesn’t make this a good idea. How could-?”

“I can’t live in a world you’re not in!” she shouted, her hands curling into fists and even more tears flowing down her face. “I hate this whole fucking thing but  _ I love you dammit, I love you! _ ”

Alistair grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her once. “ _ And I love you too, dammit! _ ” he shouted back. “You are the first and only woman I have ever loved. And now you’re asking me…”

“I know what I’m asking!” she sobbed. “We’ve gone through the worst parts of hell together and now I have to let you go for this!” She grabbed his arms tightly in return. “I wanted to be the only one, Alistair,  _ the only woman you would share a bed with! _ ”

“Then why shouldn’t you be?!”

Rose choked on a sob. “Because if you don’t do this then we might never have the chance to be together at all! I’d rather  _ die _ than be without you, you hear me!? If you sacrifice yourself, don’t you  _ dare _ be surprised when I run myself through afterwards!”

Alistair froze. “You wouldn’t…” he breathed, his voice quavering. He was crying as well. Rose reached up and cradled his face in her hands, brushing away the tears. He did the same to her. “I wouldn’t let that happen, Rosie. You can’t just-”

“If you die,” she said with finality, “then I die too.”

His touch faltered for a second before he pulled her close, kissing her intensely. Rose welcomed it, kissing him back and grasping at his shoulders. He gasped for breath, burying his face in her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her, lifting her off her feet. “I love you,” he cried. “I love you…”

\---

“What is it to be, then?” Morrigan asked curtly. “Has a decision been reached?”

Alistair sighed excessively “You know, dinner would have been nice...maybe a bit of wine? Or you could just knock me out, first…”

“Tempting. Still, I am glad to see it has been done. Let us go somewhere more private, Alistair. And believe me when I say you will not hate this quite so much as you believe.” She left the room. Alistair scowled and shook his head. Rose could tell he was grinding his teeth roughly.

“You can still say no,” she mumbled, staring at her feet. “You can-”

“I will do it,” he said, taking her hands in his. “I won’t be happy about it, nor will I enjoy it--I’ll hate it, in fact--but I will do this it for you.  _ For us. _ For a future we could have...whatever that may be.” He encased her in a hug.

“Then I’ll wait for you. I’ll always wait for you, my love, no matter how long.”


	2. Till Death Do They Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Dark Ritual

Rose tapped the sheets in front of her eyes softly, curling up tighter. A few wet spots dotted the bed, but she had stopped crying a few minutes ago. Now she was just a ball of cold sorrow, wallowing in her own pity. She felt emotionally numb, but numb was good, she had learned. Not feeling anything meant she wasn’t as upset as she could have been. The room had gone cold: Rose had let the fire die out as she waited, trying not to think. She squeezed her eyes shut and scowled deeply, sighing.

With a huff, she threw off her blankets and got up, sighing again, pacing. She went to the window and gazed across Lake Calenhad, watching the moonlight reflect off of the mirrored surface of the water. She wondered if it was warm enough to swim in this time of the year. It wasn’t quite summer yet, but the cold winter winds had gone early, so maybe...after the Blight was over…

The door opened, making her jump. Rose held her breath as Alistair shuffled in the room, staring at the ground with a complete blank expression on his face. She clasped her hands in front of her chest and slowly approached him, making sure she didn’t scare him in the dark.

“Alistair?” she said tentatively, reaching out her hand slowly.

He grabbed her wrist out of the air, his face hidden in shadow. He stood there for a second, not moving or saying a word, just staring at her, or so she assumed.

“How can you still love me?” he asked hoarsely. “After what I just did?” He let her hand go.

“How can I not?” she breathed, shuddering. “I’m yours forever, Alistair. You can’t get rid of me.” She reached out her hand again, brushing her fingers up his arm and pulling him close into a hug. He stood there, stiff as a board, but eventually leaned into her. She shushed him, stroking his hair and feeling his chest rise and fall with deep breaths. “Come on, then. We can sleep in tomorrow.”

Alistair’s arm was locked around her midsection as if he was afraid she would disappear. His whole body was tense, but with each passing minute, Rose could feel him relax a little more. She tried to sleep but found she couldn’t slip deep enough under the waves of exhaustion. The silence had become deafening and the tension in the room felt ready to snap like a twig. She knew Alistair wasn’t sleeping and she was certain he knew she wasn’t either.

“I don’t know if your cousin likes me,” he murmured suddenly.

Rose shifted slightly, having not expected what he said. “Shianni?” she scoffed, “I would say she’s harmless, but... She bottled the late arl of Denerim’s son, Vaughn.”

“The one you killed?”

Rose blushed and hesitated. “Yes.”

Alistair scoffed. “I don't care that you killed him. He probably deserved it.”

“It's just funny to me. I killed him, ended up here. Fighting a horde of darkspawn with the most ragtag team of misfits that I couldn't imagine living without. You were right. I'm going to miss it.”

“Me too,” he agreed, kissing her neck. “Still, I can't imagine the world is done shaking up or lives yet. I'd be surprised if we can't find another adventure after this one.”

Rose opened and closed her mouth, considering her words carefully. She turned over and looked at him. “What about getting married?” she suggested. “You and I.”

“Oh, I thought you meant us marrying other people,” he teased, smirking.

“Shut up!” she said, tapping his chest, laughing. “You're dodging the question, you cheek!” She pressed her forehead against his chest. “You're cute, you know that? I mean, you're handsome and all, but you're _cute._ ”

Alistair giggled at her lack of detail, causing her to laugh in return. “That's funny,” he mumbled into her shoulder. She waited for a few seconds. “Sounds like the plan we never had,” he said. “I'm going to do a proper proposal, though. Gotta keep it classic.”

“Well, I wouldn't want you to lose your gentleman’s streak.”

“I thank thee, Lady Roselyn.”

“Oof,” Rose groaned. “Please, no.”

“Would you care for a dance?” he asked.

“Nooo…”

“Come on!” he said with a sudden rush of alertness. He threw off his covers and got up, his bare chest practically glowing in the moonlight. He walked around the bed and picked her up like she weighed nothing more than a child, despite her squealing protests.

“Alistair, it's late!”

“I know,” he said, setting her feet on top of his, taking her left hand and pulling her close by her waist, leading her in an awkward waddle. “Come on, I know you can dance.”

“And how could you possibly know that?” Rose asked.

“‘Cause I'm not blind, and I've seen you fight.”

“What a horrible comparison.”

He chuckled and swayed her back and forth. “Remember the Wintersend festival?”

“How could I forget?” she said quietly. “We all got _horribly_ drunk, even Teagan! _Especially Tegan!_ ” They both laughed. “And we danced…” Alistair spun her around slowly. “You snore when you’re drunk.”

“I hardly think I was _that_ drunk,” he protested, spinning her again and pulling her close. Rose looked down, avoiding his insistent gaze. “You, on the other hand…”

“I’ll admit it,” she said confidently. “Us elves are lightweights. Makes me wonder how half of them in the Alienage haven’t already died from alcohol poisoning.”

“Maybe it’s your stubborn nature.”

“Most likely.” She smiled. “Sometimes I miss it there.”

Alistair scoffed. “You mean you miss not almost dying every day?”

“Strange right?” she joked. “I kinda miss being a nobody. I miss sneaking around with my cousins. I miss making my dad tea when he came home after working all day at the docks. It’s the small things.” Alistair swayed her back and forth slowly as she rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes. “Do you miss being a templar?” she asked.

“Sometimes,” he said. “The discipline really helped me.”

Rose looked up. “You have discipline?”

“Shut up!” he said, laughing. “ _Yes._ I listen to you, don’t I?” Rose laughed along with him. “I liked it, the routine. I didn’t fit in much; I was just the bastard boy from Redcliffe. But I did have one partner in crime. Cullen.”

She cocked her head. “Cullen, the templar from the Circle?”

“Mmhmm. He’s different now. But trust me, we were quite the pair. He’s a good man, I just think the Circle’s changed him. I always wished the templars were different...somehow.”

“And then you were Conscripted.”

“Best day of my life, next to meeting you.” Rose smiled and tried to look away again, but he held her cheek. He studied her face with his soft brown eyes. “What did I do to deserve you?” he breathed.

Rose grinned as his hands drifted to her waist and she hooked her arms behind his head. “You’re a good man, Alistair,” she said. She kissed him. “You’re cute and funny, you’re honorable to a fault-” She kissed him again, snickering through it. “-and you’re a _damn_ good Warden.”

“Oh, yeah?” he purred, pulling her up by her thighs. “You’re more than I deserve…” His lips were soft and his touch was full of want.

“Then I guess you’ll just have to work up to it,” she breathed, smiling.

“I can do that.”

It was desperation. It was hardcore promises mingled with sweat and tears. It was rough, as it needed to be. They needed to be sure they felt each other. Doubt had crept into their minds and they had to be sure. Just to be sure was all they wanted. It was to forget about the stain of the night and to remember how far they had come together.

Rose giggled immaturely.

“What?” Alistair said, looking down at me.

“Oh, nothing,” she said passively. “Immature thoughts, you know, the usual.”

“Oh yeah?” The tone of his voice wandered higher than normal, teasing.

“Shut it,” she said, scooting closer to him despite the heat still radiating from their bodies. She liked the heat. It meant he was still alive, that she was still alive. That fact could turn false in the coming days, but she refused to think of that. Rose wasn’t afraid of dying. She was afraid of losing Alistair. In any way, really. If he died and she survived. If he lived and she fell. If they both fell and couldn’t find each other after. Rose was afraid of being alone. No one to mirror the love she felt. It terrified me.

“I have something to ask you, Rosie.”

“M’kay,” she mumbled, ready for sleep.

He chuckled. “Rosie, you need to be awake for this one.”

Rose took a deep breath and sat up, maneuvering so she was sitting cross legged. As Alistair sat up and pushed himself against the headboard, he held a hand out. She rolled her eyes playfully and let him pull her onto his lap. “What do you want to ask me?” she asked. She looked down at their clasped hands, frowning. His was trembling. And clammy. Rose looked at him. “Alistair?”

His free hand pressed something warm and solid into her palm, curling her fingers around it tightly. Leaning forward and pressing his forehead to mine, he took a deep, shaky breath.

“Marry me,” he breathed.

Rose pulled away abruptly, her heart slamming in her chest painfully. “What?” she asked, her breath catching. She opened her hand and saw a ring sitting in her palm. It had some sort of design on it, but tears obscured her vision before she could make it out. As those tears spilled, she looked back at him, smiling weakly and pressing a hand to his bare chest, grounding herself. “Do you have one?” He grasped her hand where it rested above his heart. She spotted a similar ring on his fourth finger. A shattered laugh escaped her, nearly a sob. She threw herself at him, tightly holding onto his shoulders and trying to halt the sobs over his shoulder.

“Is that a yes?”

Rose pulled back and kissed him, deepening it without any warm up. “I’d be an utter moron to say no,” she gasped. “Yes. yes, a thousand times yes, Alistair! I love you!”

A choked sound rose up in Alistair’s throat as her words reached his ears. “Really?”

“YES!” She snatched his face up and began kissing him furiously. Alistair wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush against him. “Yes. Yes. Yes!”

“I love you,” Alistair gasped against her lips, pushing his shirt over her shoulders.

“Love you,” she echoed, just as breathless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm way to tired to look over this closely and see if there are any errors so just call me out and I'll fix it when I've gotten rid of this splitting headache


End file.
